BDSM For Beginners – For First Time Couples

Fundamentally, BDSM is an acronym for “bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sado-masochism.” The acronym might sound awkward, especially for beginners who are yet to experience that kind of sex, but it’s a sexual act where boundaries and communications about what you desire come first.

If you are a BDSM beginner, you might see this type of sex as hard and painful, but it’s not always so.

As you read further, you will see the things you need to do if you want to give BDSM a trial, so that the first encounter and experience will give you maximum pleasure and satisfaction as it should.

The couples get up close for the first time.

Things To Do Before Trying BDSM

1.   Improve Your Knowledge

Aside from being almost inaccurate, the scenes of BDSM you have probably seen in movies or porn are extreme, and perhaps, they will not work for you. Holly Richmond, a somatic psychologist and sex therapist recommends reading an article on BDSM or attending a class on BDSM to equip yourself with different scenarios and moves that you can try with your partner.

BDSM expert Tom Rab who runs a store selling BDSM style pup masks suggests you can contact a sex therapist if the need arises, so that you can find out the version of the sexual act (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) you will love and want to practice with your partner.

Tip: Your BDSM experience does not have to involve all the categories or two roles in a category. For example, you might find out that you’re naturally submissive, or you can switch in between being submissive and dominant. You might also realize that you don’t enjoy being whipped (discipline) but you like being tied (bondage).

2.   Begin With a Fantasy

Before trying BDSM, you must start by finding out what works for you and your partner. You can start by finding out what turns both of you on by having imaginations. You and your partner can read BDSM stories or watch ethical porn movies that contain BDSM scenes to see what you can fantasize about.

3.   Talk with your partner

As first-time couples trying BDSM for the first time, sit down with your partner while maintaining steady eye contact and have a sincere discussion about your desires, what your boundaries are, and what turns both of you on.

BDSM involves surrendering your control, and whole self to your partner, so communication and trust are very important. You and your partner must be as specific as possible to each other about what you want and what you don’t want. For example, you can let your partner know that blindfolding excites and turns you on while handcuffing can make you anxious. Also, listen to them and hear what works for them.

Having this type of discussion will help you to negotiate better and give consent, identify and set limits to ensure that both of you are comfortable throughout the process.

4.   Sign Contracts

Signing contracts or writing things down isn’t a bad idea in BDSM. Since it’s all about communication, writing terms and conditions down or entering sort of a contract can help to ease tension and calm nerves, even if you are dating or even married. Doing this will help you have something to go back to when you need to refresh on what your partner’s boundaries are.

5.   Share Intimacy After the Act

The conversation and discussions you have after the sexual encounter are important and also a part of the sex itself. It’s a time to ask your partner what they enjoyed and what they didn’t, it’s also a time to ask them what they were thinking during the act.

The vulnerability and intimacy shared after the BDSM act will help to strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

In Summary

BDSM is not as bad and painful as people think and paint it to be. You can do things like signing contracts, having discussions, getting knowledge, having a fantasy, etc to make the experience worthwhile, sexually satisfying, and pleasurable.