In the instance that you find out that your husband is gay, it becomes a difficult situation that not only leads to stress but long term depression if care or solution is not found at the right time. Some people find out when they have stayed for over 20 years together as a husband and wife, they have children and have made investments all over.
You may discover that your husband is gay accidentally or him revealing openly to you that he is gay, and he may be doing this in a bid to hurt you and ensure that you proceed and take up Divorce, because for once, you will be in shock, despair and a sense of betrayal sets in.
I once heard of two women discussing the possibility of their husbands being gay, and one of them said ‘’ I think my husband is gay”, this brought the conversation to a higher level.
Each one of them started discussing the characteristics of gay men and some of the signs of homosexuality in married men that came out openly in the conversation included;
- He is not active in the regular sexual activity, and most of the times, he will accuse the woman of being aggressive in bed which may not necessarily be the case.
- Lack of interest in the sexual life which grows on a day to day basis, as time passes, he makes you get convinced that as couples stay together, the sexual urge continues to decrease.
- He ensures that his login credentials in the computer do not have any history- This is because gay men watch pornography more often and become addicts. He wishes to hide this from you to avoid arguments as to why he watches such kind of videos.
- Cheating on the love for plastic toys to pretend that he needs his prostate to be stimulated in such a way.
- Losing the passion for having sex with the wife and now the sexual activity turns out to be more mechanical than love.
- He may bring up a subject of having practiced gay in his past life before marriage
These are some of the characteristics that one can sense and weigh out if the husband is gay.
There are conditions that in as much as you would want to salvage your marriage, it will still not work. Imagine the husband has already contracted sexually transmitted diseases or has made up his mind that gay life is the way to go.
In such an instance, the wife has the right to decide to move out and start living on her own. This is because such form of abuse will not only lead to pain and a permanent betrayal, but death will also come knocking the door.
Before getting to such, then it is high time the wife decides to divorce and start life anew.
Painful as it may be, she will eventually heal.
2. Accepting and moving on as a husband and wife
He may deny in the first instance of confrontation, but you may not have known the reason as to why he turned out to be gay. The wife will get hurt because of the thoughts she had that she knew the husband very well. However, you may sit down and discuss on the way forward and see to it that you have salvaged your marriage. This will depend on the willingness of the husband to move away from the past character and re-join his wife, and move away from the heterosexual acts.
This may not be easy, but for someone, you love it is possible. Now that the husband is gay, so what? Make up the decision to love him and get away to assist him in getting out of such a character.
This well said and done, the final words to the woman is to weigh out the materiality of each side; to Divorce or to move and this will give an answer to a much-troubled soul.
Once you discover that for sure this is true, there are so many reactions that come into one’s mind, considering you had invested heavily in your marriage, but the pain that one goes through is not worth saving the union as it will be seen a hard emotional work which hardly pays.
Some questions will start running in a woman’s mind including how will the sexual life be, bearing in mind that this man has been engaging in the same sex which is filthy before the eyes of the woman.
As such, a woman may seek divorce based on the following facts (according to Divorce Magazine)
- Being engaged in the extramarital affair. The fact that the marriage was based on a monogamy relationship, then all of a sudden it happens that the woman has found out about the gay involvement of the husband, she will feel betrayed, rejected and even end up hating herself. Therefore, it is better to leave that marriage and rebuild life once again.
- Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Whereas the woman was faithful to their husband, it becomes painful to realize that he has been practicing homosexuality, and it is risky for the woman to contract sexually transmitted diseases. Some of them are deadly diseases which leave a person in mental torture and especially when you remember that you were faithful on your end.
- Divorce for the sake of children. As the children grow up, they will experience the rift that would exist between the parents, and as such, the woman may opt to separate from his husband to avoid the shame of the kids getting to know the character of their father.
- Having a psychological impact on your spouse. The thought of having your partner being interested in the same sex people brings a lot of reactions. Sometimes the wife may consider to divorce because of a guilty conscience, for instance thinking that she may have caused the husband to go out and look for the same-sex partner and seek for satisfaction.
She may feel that she did not offer the sexual satisfaction that the husband would have wished to get from her.
From such guilt thought, the wife may end up breaking the marriage and decide to live a life of her own.
CompleteCase says that before making the critical decision of ending your marriage, there are some vital facts you need to rethink about and forget about the negative side which can lead to divorce and some of these tips are;
1. In case you suspect of any sexually transmitted disease, do not have sex before you get tested. This will assure you of what you may think of moving on together or not.
2. Accept that he has been a gay and if there is a solution to salvaging the marriage, then work out for the sake of the years you have been together and also for the children who get directly affected because of separation.
3. Use wisdom as you break such news to the children. Mostly, they may blame themselves and see that it is because of them that their dad turned to be gay. If you need professional counsel, then organize one to come and take them through the process so that even as you agree to move on, they will still feel loved and appreciated as the members of the family.
4. Now that you have found out beyond reasonable doubt that your husband is gay, Divorce may at times not be the solution. However, once you accept to move on as a family, there are moments that you have felt betrayed, hated and an outcast.
You need to give yourself time to grieve and heal from such an experience.
5. Accommodate your husband- He may have fallen prey of gay due to frustrations from work, watching pornographic movies which corrupted his mind until he went physical. If you decide to stay, it is crucial then to accommodate him, encourage him to change his behavior and bring him back home. Should he need professional counseling, it is up to you to take the lead and ensure that he has got a counselor who will walk him through until he gets off from the situation.
6. Erase the sense of betrayal- once you resolve to move together, do not let the thought of betrayal take over and forget of the good memories you have shared in the past, instead, work towards ensuring that your marriage will work once again
There are two ways in which one may look at the issue of a gay husband