These are three little words that mean a lot. But when is the right time to say I love you? And is there only a “good” time? All Pittsburgh singles or people who have a partner search the answer.
A little, a lot, passionately, madly. No matter how intense your feelings are, one thing is for sure: you love her. You love the way he looks at you, you long for his passionate kisses, you love the way he puts his hand in yours … Except you still haven’t said ‘I love you’ to him.
In pop culture love stories, this statement often marks a turning point in romantic relationships. John, 29 y.o. is fondly remembered as he climbs onto a table to declare his feelings to Summer Roberts in front of their entire high school or the giant cookie that Robert Leeds gives to Miranda in Sex and the City. Except in real life, it’s not always – if ever – necessary to make this ‘I love you’ happen. But so far, is there a “right” time to say it?
Confess your love and give the advantage
For clinical psychologists in Paris, the famous ‘I love you’ is a step, “as can the fact of wanting to live together, the marriage contract …”. Except that this is the only step we take unilaterally. As to whether we can define a “good” moment, the expert is categorical: “the only good time to say it is when you really feel it, when you have enough confidence in yourself and in your feelings. to open up to others. When you say it, you make yourself vulnerable from a certain point of view, since you don’t know how the other will receive it, or how he or she will react, ”she analyzes. For Mia, 24, “the first ‘I love you’ is super important! It shows that the relationship is getting serious ”.
For Justine, 32, “from the moment you say ‘I love you’, it’s a commitment. We make a commitment not to make the person suffer, to want to make them happy, to be honest, etc. Especially since whoever receives it has generally not asked for anything. ”
Jeanne, a couple for 6 years, looks back on her first ‘I love you’. “As I remember it, it was me who took the plunge, but without really weighing my words. I was 19 and it was kind of like saying ‘Kisses good night’, so I’m not sure the first one really matters. But today, every I love you is truer than true, ”she says.
Just for the gesture
Usually, Mia isn’t the type to take the plunge. “I wait for the other one to say it first for fear of catching wind. Except when I’m 100% sure my feelings are mutual, ”she exclaims. A scenario that does not surprise Mia. “We often see people who prevent themselves from confessing their feelings and who patiently wait for their partner to start,” says the psychologist. Just taking the plunge and saying the Three Little Words is for many people an act of courage. “This stage is complicated to understand because it can refer to different fears, such as that of rejection, commitment or abandonment.
Saying ‘I love you’ then comes down to explaining how you feel: it’s a universal way of saying to your Pittsburgh single women partner, I am emotionally attached to you and open to sharing even more together. A feeling of strong freedom and sentimental coherence. For Jeanne, “saying ‘I love you’ is a way of saying ‘I want to keep moving forward with you’.
To love without saying it
At almost 24 years old, Juliette has a complicated relationship with ‘I love you’. “I only told one boy and I haven’t been able to do it since. I’m stuck and somewhere I’m in pain, ”she explains. The young woman feels that saying I love you to someone other than the one she considers her first love could bring her past feelings and commitments into disrepute. “I’m in a kind of gear: the more the years go by, the more this expression – as it hasn’t been repeated since – is associated, in my mind, with the person. I sanctified it. Realizing this may already be a first step, but for the moment I remain silent. And deaf too: it’s extremely hard for me too, I receive it ”.
There is nothing worse than an ‘I love you’ that is coerced, forced or not felt
“Beyond the fear of showing oneself vulnerable or of procrastinating so as not to go too quickly, the ‘I love you’ can bring up painful memories”, analyzes Maïté Tranzer, who once again insists on the importance of do not put expectations or symbols on these three words. “There is nothing worse than an ‘I love you’ that is coerced, forced or not felt,” she asserts.
Feelings and loss of meaning
Over the years, series and hot-water novels, ‘I love you’ has almost become a norm that has for some people lost its value. Justine regrets that for some, these words no longer make sense. “You have to beware of the likes of you, without the deeds,” she explains, insisting that it is never harmless. “It’s an emotional load that you have to take care of when you receive it, whether you share feelings or not,” she recalls.
Then comes the question of whether saying ‘I love you’ every day does not dry up the very meaning of the statement. For Jeanne, the answer is no: “we tell ourselves I love you even twice a day,” she smiles. “The fact of exchanging words of love is a way of building the self-esteem of both partners,” smiles the psychologist. But this positive view of “I love you all the way” is not unanimous and many, including Mia, think that “it has to be exceptional to really appreciate it”.
Remember: do not hide your real emotions and do what your heart tells you to do!