When people live together as a husband and wife, they love each other and treasure each moment that they spend. But at times, it happens that there are disagreements that come along the way which is hard to cope up with the partner any more.
Divorce at this point takes the order of the day. It hurts and brings confusion to the children. But if a marriage is in shambles, then it’s better for it to be called off than to remain in pain and hurts for the rest of your life.
It happens that even after ten years, the pain persists even if it was an amicable divorce. The main reason as to why this is experienced in the lives of people who have separated is because of the good memories that were shared while in marriage, the obstacles that they overcame make people still the hurt and especially if they have a challenge that needs a partner to step in and support.
However, in as much as the pain is there, its good to mourn but this should not take forever, one should get to know the way out and know how to get out of it, then move on.
Below are some tips to help one know what to follow when divorce still hurts.
1. Have a shoulder to lean on no matter how strong you think you are
Friends and families will help you overcome the pain of divorce 10 years later. I once experienced a lady who was struggling with the pain of overcoming separation alone and when I purposed to hold her hand, she started relaxing, and within a short time, life to her became a joyous one.
Then she decided to take her Mom for a vacation to ensure that she was at peace and enjoy a new atmosphere outside the norm.
She got healed from the pain of leaving her marriage, and by the time they came back home, she was mentally prepared to start dating again since all her hurts were healed.
2. Remember that so long as you have kids with you, then you have never wholly divorced
Some responsibilities need both parental support, and if you have kids, then this is a reason to stop the hurts, take up the responsibilities and support your kids as much as possible to avoid them to hurt from your struggles. Accept, move on and be ready to overcome any challenges that come along the way. When it comes divorcing with kids, responsibilities increase.
3. Control your communication with the ex-spouse
People can continue hurting because of the communications they still have after dissolving the marriage. It is best if the communication was limited on business issues only, for example, if the ex-spouse has a role to play in bringing up the children, then allow the communication to be focused solely on the child support. If you happen to go beyond such, then it will be presumed as the marriage was still in existence, and whatever abuse was there will always remain, and the pain of divorce at this point will never go away.
4. Guard yourself against anger
Good behavior towards your ex will help you overcome the heartbroken experience that you have had all along for a long time.
Do not bad mouth your partner to your children or your friends; this will only act as a catalyst to increase your anger. Many couples never recover from divorce because of feeding their minds with evil thoughts about your past marriage, calling and abusing your ex-partner. Therefore, it is essential to keep a distance and think positive about yourself. Remember that you can make it on your own, have a positive mindset and accept to move on.
5. Do not start dating immediately after separation
Give yourself time to heal and recover from the pains of being apart. Many times people start dating immediately while healing has not taken place making them suffer even more.
Most likely, it is because the couples still have the pain of past marriage. As such, it is essential to take up to 4 years to allow complete healing before you start dating. By this time you will have known the extent that you contributed towards ending your previous marriage and see the solution to avoid any more hurts in a second marriage.
6. Avoid people with negative energy toward your healing
Some people are never positive about their well-being. You may continue hurting 10 years later because of being fed with negative information of your ex-wife thereby holding you from getting over your past hurts.
One of the most critical elements to healing is to spend time with people who will cheer you up, show you about positive things outside your broken marriage and work towards your healing.
Also learn to put your positive energy in a different atmosphere, visit children’s homes, share their joys and hurts and encourage them that there is hope after a painful living. The more you feed your mind with positive thoughts, the more you can overcome.
You may have realized this after ten years; there is no need to worry, accept and take the challenge and be assured that in a short while, and pain will be past tense.
7. Remove the thoughts of your Ex in your mind
At times one may not be the person who was intending to break the marriage, and if it came from your partner, then it becomes tough to overcome the grief, are you still in pain 10 years later? Look beyond your broken marriage, erase the thoughts of your Ex and concentrate on other matters,
An example is engaging in mind teasing activities, for instance going back to school for your masters on a part-time basis. This will ensure that during the day, you are fully engaged at work and in the evening, you are in class.
You will have limited time to think about your past relationship, and you will overcome.
Concentrate on investments that would help you work out what is best for you and stop being obsessed about your ex-partner. It will only increase the hurts and pains which will also affect your health.
8. Do not drink alcohol to avoid grief
People will go to a bar t drink overnight to forget the pains in them. This will only relieve the pain for one day and stall the healing process. If you continue drinking to avert suffering, then this will never help you to heal, and your emotions towards life will only worsen.
Finally
Commit yourself to enjoy life and move on without fear. Purpose to become happy, engage in a relationship that matters and invests in yourself in a better way. I couldn’t say more because this is the solution to becoming a happy person after grieving for over 10 years.
The article has been made in association with DivorceFiller – the service for preparing divorce papers online.