We experience the end of a relationship differently – someone needs more time to heal emotional wounds, someone less. But no matter how much pain we experience, a break-up is always an opportunity to grow, get to know ourselves better, and become stronger.
Throw out all the things that remind you of them. Burn photos. To be happy to do what the partner could not stand. Buy new bedclothes. Boxing. Travel to another country. Read fuckbook review and meet new people. Have your hair cut. Give yourself the word to smile at least once a day, whatever it takes.
There is no universal recipe for surviving a break-up and getting out of love addiction, but there is the experience of those who have passed the test. Here are the top tips.
What to do and not to do after a break-up
Exclude your ex-partner from your information field as much as possible
Unsubscribe from his (her) account on all social media. If necessary, unsubscribe from the news of your mutual friends and acquaintances. Checking daily for status changes and photo updates is your brain’s attempt to restore affection. It’s about the same reason we search with our eyes for a familiar face in a crowd or on the subway. Unfortunately, this does not allow the brain to realize and accept the end of this stage in life. And this only increases the heartache.
Surround yourself with the professional support you need
Sign up for therapy or a therapy group. Loss is a challenging, painful time that is not experienced alone. In a warm atmosphere, a group of like-minded people can make you feel like you are not alone. A professional psychologist can help you find the inner resources to support you during this period.
Don’t be afraid to ask your friends and family for help.
Let them know that you need support now, can only talk about the break-up, and will be in a lousy mood and condition for a while. It may be enough for you to walk in silence, or sometimes their willingness to listen to you. At the same time, it’s essential to avoid all toxic communication during this period: idle curiosity and advice like “everything will be fine, you’re still young – you’ll meet!” will not ease your condition.
Stick to the “small things and steps” approach
During a period of stress, all a person wants to do is lie down and look at one point. Sometimes, going to the other extreme, people start planning many things to avoid the feeling of loneliness and having constant thoughts and questions. But when stressed, our bodies are weak. Excessive stress is not suitable for it, and sometimes it can only worsen, leading to insomnia and diseases. It is more beneficial to write down a plan and include small actions and necessary things that give you pleasure. Today, all you can do is wash the dishes tomorrow. There will be enough energy to clean up the closet. Take care of yourself and listen to your body. Remember that sports, sunshine, and certain foods increase dopamine and serotonin levels, which are lacking right now.
Don’t try to find the answer to why this happened.
Explaining what happened won’t help reduce the pain. The heartache is so intense that the brain tries to find an equally reasonable and logical explanation. But no arguments can help. Trying to find the truth in conversations with an ex-partner does not allow one to let go of the situation. It is important to realize not the reason but the reality of the break-up.
A break-up, like any loss, involves five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Each person has a different timeline for going through these stages, and you shouldn’t try to rush them. Give yourself time to live through each of them. Denial of any location leads to an inability to move on.
Avoid idealizing or devaluing your partner and the relationship.
Both are two extremes that prevent you from learning the necessary lessons from what happened. The ability to admit that there were different periods in the relationship the willingness to look at all the strengths and weaknesses of your ex-partner is a prerequisite to move on with the valuable experience gained.
Don’t devalue or judge yourself.
Your value is not determined by the person next to you. Striving to be the perfect partner against your boundaries and desires does not improve the relationship. If you get dumped, you do not become worse. We choose different companions for different experiences at different stages in our life.
Leaving a relationship is the loss of a particular person and of a certain way of life, routines, and habits. This is, to some extent, a loss of yourself: suddenly, in the place where everything was perceived through “we,” a vacuum is formed, which now needs to be filled. And it needs to be filled by yourself.
Despite advances in science and medicine, there is currently no cure for the pain of loss. At the same time, there is no way to avoid this pain. All you can give yourself is the care and time you need to live the grief.
Remember, the post-breakup period is an opportunity to look at yourself and your authentic desires. This is a new stage of returning to yourself, thanks to which you will be able to start the next, more conscious relationship.