Staying in an unhappy marriage has negative consequences on your mental and emotional health. Learn how to know when it is finally over.
It’s very tough to decide if your failing marriage is beyond repair or not. The decision becomes much harder when you have been trying to salvage the unhappy relationship for a while, overlooking the initial signs that divorce might be the better choice. But things have just gotten too much to bear and you are finally weighing your options and considering a split. Divorce might just be the outlet you are looking for, with the uncontested divorce process being the more civil and stress-free option. Read on to learn of a few common signs that divorce is the right path for you.
When You Can’t Be Yourself
If you feel the need to hide certain aspects of yourself from your spouse, fearing that they will reject you if they found out, then that is not at all a fulfilling relationship to be in. If your spouse does not accept certain facets of who you are, and you need to filter that part of yourself when you are with them, it clearly states that your complete identity is not respected. This is a very tough condition to fix, one that might signal an imminent divorce.
There Are No More Arguments
It’s common for married couples to argue, as being silent or avoiding the issue can be detrimental to any relationship. If you don’t even have it in you to voice your opinion and stand up for your decisions anymore, clearly something is missing or isn’t working properly in your relationship. Fighting is not always a bad thing; it can indicate that you care about the other person or the relationship enough to stay in it, and that means voicing your opinion on things of importance. So the problem isn’t having a fight; rather it’s when there is nothing left to fight over.
You Intentionally Provoke Your Spouse
Pushing the marriage to test its limits really is a sign that you already know that it is over and you are seeking a way out. When you intentionally push the threshold of your spouse, it would seem like that subconsciously you are wanting things to end between the two of you but also you don’t want to be the one to make the move. You start doing things that you know may start an argument, hoping that the conversation of just how unhappy you are in the relationship will get triggered, and finally you will be able to address the issue.
Being in Their Presence Stresses You Out
Your body sends you many signals that you shouldn’t ignore. Similarly if being in the presence of your spouse causes a negative physical reaction, it is time you pay attention to the message your body is giving you. If your heart gets all heavy and you get a knotted feeling in your stomach every time you think of remaining in your marriage, it could be your body telling you that you need to get out of that impossible situation. These physical signs are pretty much the uncorrupted mirror that will reveal the truth to you no matter what.
Needing to Win All the Time
As mentioned above, not having the urge to fight to stand your ground is a sign of an imminent divorce, but so is how you argue when you are fighting. The goal should be to resolve any and all conflicts in a manner that keeps the relationship intact. When the fighting between the two of you is dominated by placing blame on each other and pointing fingers, then clearly it becomes about power and not about having a connection anymore. This is clearly a red flag, signaling that divorce could be the only way out.
When You Overcompensate on Facebook
We usually manifest an exaggerated and edited version of our lives on social media. Social media is also a place where you can craft a false picture or an illusion to hide the unhappy state of your marriage. If you see that your spouse has suddenly started to share too much on social media, then it might be an attempt to cover the truth. When you are actually in an unhappy marriage but are trying to show the world how happy and content you are, it is often a sign that things are drastically bad.
Staying Together for the Kids
Your kids definitely mean the world to you, as they should, but they should not be what defines your relationship. You actually deserve a loving and caring spouse, one who you care for and love equally. If that partner just becomes a co-parent, then it’s a sign that things need to change. While your kids may be sad initially after their parents split up, they will still heal quicker and fare better in the long run than those children who are forced to live with unhappy parents who are continuously fighting. Also, don’t put your children in a situation where they are asked to pick a favorite parent. This can be extremely stressful for your child, not to mention extremely unfair.
Already Contemplating Life After Divorce
Are you already pondering on how your life will be without your spouse in it? Are you researching the dating scene and considering how you will approach it? You can tell that you are ready to move on when you are already contemplating and researching life after divorce. You need to be aware, though, that just getting a divorce isn’t necessarily ridding you of your spouse indefinitely. Especially if you have children, you will be associated with your ex-spouse for different matters. However, if you have already subconsciously made up your mind, daydreaming about life outside of marriage is a strong indicator that you need to start taking action.
Thinking of ending your marriage is a sad turn of events. You are contemplating putting an end to something that once was extremely meaningful and important to you. But staying on in an unhappy marriage might not be the solution when you are looking for mental peace. If you find yourself demonstrating some of the points mentioned in this article, you may well be headed down the path of divorce. So make up your mind and do what is required, because, in the end, you need to consider your own happiness. After all, you have a lot of after-divorce recoveries to look forward to.