Divorce in the modern world has long become a commonplace, many marriages fall apart annually. Nevertheless, despite this popularity, divorce can cause great pain and mental distress. A spouse who is abandoned begins to be tormented by doubts and asks himself many questions, trying to understand why this happened, maybe even starts to blame his former partner for everything. But emotions will not help to understand the situation. And if you want to find out why this happened, you need to be a cold minded.
Divorce service in Pennsylvania collected statistics that show that women file for divorce 2 times more often than men. Even though divorce is a painful process and it’s quite difficult to make such a decision, women are still more decisive in this matter. This is mainly due to the fact that women are much more difficult to tolerate increasing tensions in relations over the years. That is why a wife can break the marriage, even if her husband is a good man. It should also be said that a good man is not always the same as a good husband. You can be a responsible worker, a decent citizen, a friendly neighbor and a terrible husband who makes his wife suffer. After all, being married, a woman appreciates and pays attention to the qualities that make a man a real man with whom she is happy, and not just what makes a husband a good person.
Why do women leave?
Women file for divorce because they are unhappy in marriage. The world has changed, many wives have long been independent of their men, so they can leave at any time, knowing that relationships have collapsed. Of course, each case of divorce is unique in its own way, but the main reasons why wives decide to divorce can be called the following (according to Marriage.com):
1. Lack of warmth in relationships
This is typical for those marriages where spouses live together for a very long time. Feelings fade away, love and passion leave a relationship. The husband ceases to pay attention to his wife, ceases to be interested in her news and hobbies, as a result of which the wife feels lonely, being married. This is especially acute when children grew up and left the parental home, a woman actually becomes nobody needed. In this case, she may even find a lover, because for a woman it is very important to receive feelings and emotions from a man.
2. The wife no longer admires by her husband
He may be a good man but at the same time a weak husband. He can even be a good father, raise children, but he is not able to solve any problems or take care of the family. In this case, the wife becomes the head of the family, she is not only a mother, but she is also a husband, she needs to solve not only her own problems but also her husband’s problems, she can even earn more than he. In fact, a wife in such a marriage has a double responsibility, while the husband hopes that the wife will take care of everything. And this is absolutely wrong. Nature created a man stronger than a woman. Of course, the wife can work, she can even have a very good job, but at home, she must remain a woman. The plumbing broke down, the car does not start, there is no time to mow the lawn – all these issues should not be solved by the woman, it is the man’s duty, he either does it himself or finds a person who will do it for money.
An even more horrible version of this situation is when the wife solves the financial problems of the husband. For example, she pays his bills or supports him completely, because her husband was fired and he cannot (does not want) to find a job. A woman gets tired of this burden of responsibility. Because there should be equality in the family. A woman is responsible for comfort, parenting, pleasant atmosphere, while her husband ensures the safety of the family.
3. Lack of sex or dissatisfaction
Sex plays an important role in marriage, but not the main one. And yet, if a husband does not satisfy his wife’s wishes for a long time, she may leave. Someone just leaves to start all over again, someone first finds a lover. It all depends on the upbringing and life values of the woman.
It is very hard to live with an alcoholic. In this case, the husband can be a good person, kind and honest. When sober. During periods of drunkenness, he may become a completely different person, perhaps even aggressive. Addiction to alcohol or drugs destroyed a lot of families. At the same time, the husband may even have quite a good job, but his dependence negatively affects the family. A woman does not see the future with such a stranger, she is afraid for her children and does not want them to repeat their father’s fate. Of course, in this case, it is better for her to leave, even if she and the children are financially dependent on the man and try to improve their lives than live in a constant nightmare and one day find the body of a husband who died of an overdose.
Under the action of alcohol or narcotic substances, a man can become very rude and harsh, even though he is a calm person in everyday life. In this condition, he can cause physical pain to his wife or children. Of course, the self-preservation will push a woman to divorce.
There are men who believe that having sex with other women is normal. Different conditions have led to this worldview, but this is a misconception. Women are not willing to tolerate adultery, even if a husband is a good man who provides for his family, takes care of children and behaves with dignity. Many marriages are crumbling because of the betrayal of the spouse. If it was one-time adultery under the influence of alcohol, the woman can forgive and save the marriage. Some wives close their eyes, even if they know that the husband has a mistress for many years. But these women are a minority. Most of the wives immediately file for divorce as soon as they discover about the adultery. Not many wives are willing to share their husband with someone else and be not in the main role in his life.
What if my wife filed for divorce?
So, you are already in a difficult situation and are thinking about what to do next. The first thing to do is to figure out why the wife wants to dissolve the marriage, what exactly has pushed her to this step. It makes sense to discuss your relationship, to understand what does not suit her and what she wants. Of course, it is best to speak in private without lawyers and in neutral territory. And yes, listen to her carefully, not accusing her of anything. Perhaps you will learn something new about your marriage that you have never paid attention to. If the wife agrees to postpone the divorce, then you need to run to a family psychologist and solve the problems of your marriage with a specialist. And remember that this should be a joint work, where both the husband and the wife make an effort to save the relationship.
What to do if divorce is unavoidable? No need to take offense at your wife and revenge her. Try to go through it as peacefully as possible. Especially if you have common children, they suffer when parents play war.
It would be nice to get feedback from your wife, ask her why she decided to take this step and understand what did not suit her in marriage. This information is very important because after working on yourself, you will not repeat past mistakes in the future. Do not immediately look for a new love. Give mental wounds time to heal. Recover mentally, and then start working on yourself. Perhaps even contact with a specialist to work on your grievances, complexes or negative beliefs.
And never blame all women for what one did. If you are unlucky for the first time, this does not mean that all the following relationships will end up exactly the same.
Divorce hurts both women and men. Every person experiences this in his own way. However, those steps and actions that destroyed the marriage are not less painful. From the good life does not go away from the good spouses, too. If it happened that your wife decided to divorce, then you are really not such a good man as you thought. Perhaps you have some negative qualities with which the wife was difficult to live. In any case, divorce is not an apocalypse. After it, there is a new life, and moreover, there is an opportunity to meet a person who will fit you perfectly.